Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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