i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
