I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
