Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
