never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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