How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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