Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
