just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
