Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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