Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize