Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
