sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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