if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
