3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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