i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
