that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My penis needs a shock collar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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