Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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