Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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