I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
