oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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