I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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