i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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