no, he came in my armpit
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
