I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
