At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
