dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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