DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
