I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
