If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
