Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
