i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
