im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
