Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
