you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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