i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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