Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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