my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God, I missed his penis.
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