so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
