and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
