Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
