Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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