I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my shit smells like andre
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize