If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
