i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
