I have demons in me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
