do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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