"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
