i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
