Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
