lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
