i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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