so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
