Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
