Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
