she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everyone says I win the strip club
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
