i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
