Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
