You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
