i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
