I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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