We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
