Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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